I like to think of myself as being able to bring the laughs, even if at times a performance enhancing mood and the lack of sobriety of the audience are major contributing factors. Things have recently changed and the audience I now most want to make laugh has a slightly different sense of humour. Gone are long tales involving my own stupidity, sarcastic one liners and general buffoonery. It doesn’t wash with the new audience. I now spend my days pulling funny faces, making strange sounds and physically moving a third party to perform a dance routine. All this so young Max smiles and if I’m lucky makes a noise of joy. It is interesting to me that the highlight of my day is contingent on the perceived approval of somebody who can barely communicate back.
Yes, I have now become the most boring person in the world, a proud parent. Believe it or not I do know that you can’t possibly care as much as me about my first born son, but that doesn’t mean I can tailor my conversation to accommodate that fact. When so much of your brain is filled with the trivial movements of a baby I’m bound to bring up Max’s funny habit of doing the riverdance on his back after a bath…I’ve even videoed it so you can enjoy the blurry image on a tiny screen. If you don’t like photos of my son in a new hat, if you don’t care that he pointed at a bird and are frankly a bit disgusted by discussion about his latest bowel movements, I understand, but too bad.
Having the cutest baby in the world is a big responsibility and it is hard to ensure discussions have enough Max content to do justice to him. If you have a child of your own don’t think for a minute this means I care about actually talking about being a parent, that is what mothers groups are for. I know my son is the best, I’m sure yours is pretty good so let’s talk about sport…while I day dream about Max being a sports star.
This might all be to do with Max’s stage of development. It is the only time in his life where he can literally do no wrong. Parents speaking highly of toddlers is rare, the screaming and destruction seem to be at the forefront of toddlers parents minds when somebody praises their offspring. Teenagers don’t just get parents off side, the smell, noise and attitude has society at large against most of that lot. However cute, big eyed babies can’t be blamed for their involuntary actions but can be praised for their good looks and positive behaviour eg. Flapping their arms and staring at their feet. Unlike toddlers and teenagers praising a baby is always met with agreement, the screaming and odour aren’t anybody’s fault but the dimples are being claimed by both sides of the family as their gift to this latest generation.
I want nothing more than to see Max go out and conquer the world. To get there (or to get anywhere) will mean this perfect child will have to cease being perfect and bumble along in the world. At times he will be a tantrum throwing toddler, frightened child, know it all teenager and bewildered adult. That is why I make no apologies for being a boring parent and spending my days trying to get a babies approval. There is a long road ahead and this is possibly the only time that he’ll be perfect. So, yes you can talk about your child to me but I’ll only be listening so I know when to jump in and talk about perfect Max......Did you know that he got some sun glasses the other day and I have a photo of that if youd like to have a look...... Despite Julia’s scepticism Ratamahatta by Sepultura is an awesome song for babies, Max loves it...... Did you know Max appears to be left handed…..
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